future
Pandora is playing and I’m drinking brandy with a little bit of iced tea. I’m stuck in a rut. It might sound completely stupid, but I feel as if I am not smart enough to even apply to law school. Granted, law school is in 2 year, but the preparation that is needed to get there is what is causing me to second guess my future. I see how some people talk, dress, act, and other activities that are attending or planning on attending law school. And I am nothing like those people. I don’t read up on the latest issues over seas, I can’t name two bills that are trying to be passed by congress, I barely know all the bill of rights in order. Maybe I should pick up a poli sci class again. Maybe I should actually start reading up on these things. Who knows?
I just feel like I’m failing because since I was a kid I wanted to always be a lawyer. Thank God I decided to major in PR as a back up because I would be really stuck if I would have stayed Poli Sci.
seriously, i hate people with trust issues. i’ve been hurt just as much as the next person i am still able to let down my guard and let a new person in. i take my time letting them get closer and closer but i ultimately allow for that interaction to occur.
i might have provoked a situation intentionally but i had valid reasons. i needed to see how you were in certain situations. everything is never always perfect. we can’t act like it is. the honeymoon phase is still going but i hate it. i would rather the real shit.
now i know your thought process and honestly i want it to change. because shit that was pulled today can end relationships.
I want the beach, I want the alcohol, I want my friends, I want my family, I want the music, I want the warmth, I want it all. I want you
I’m glad that I’ve found you
When you get here… I don’t know what is going to happen. I don’t know where our actions are going to lead us. But, as long as it’s with you I don’t care. I’m cold just thinking about it because I’m nervous. I haven’t had this feeling for someone in a long time. You don’t quite know my thinking but hopefully when you recognize it you’ll stay around. I will honestly say that you make me happy. And I’m glad that you do because I need you, or someone like you, to come into my life around the time that you did. It was like God telling me to relax and LIVE. And that’s what I’m going to do.
Chapter Closed
Spring break was a huge success. I met new people, and strengthened bonds with old friends. I’ve partied my life away in a week and only suffered 1 hangover. WINNING! I can’t wait to get back to school now so that I can do what I do best. I’m not letting this bright light above me ever go dim for the moment. PLUS, there is some one waiting for the kid ;) #KNOWDABOUL !
dedication.
After a VERY VERY ruff two weeks, I feel like everything is slowly getting back on track. I’ve found my passion again. I found peace. I’m trying to find balance. And that in it’self will probably take a while but I’m willing to put in that work.
yesterday.
The tears that I shed yesterday was because of you. I don’t want things to be like this. I want things to go back to the way they were. I thought that our conversation was going to lead to a better friendship, but instead it led to further division. It led to confusion, it led to me feeling ashamed, lost, and wondering what will the next move will be. I can’t stop thinking. I stopped crying ( for now) I’m just empty from showing the emotion at this point. the only way that I can express myself is through words. But these words have to eb silent in it’s presentation. I’m trying to connect back to the world but it’s hard. Maybe it’s to soon, maybe I’m just not ready. Maybe I do need that break. A break that I can truly learn what the word peace means again. I’m just not happy anymore. I’m walking with a smile because I’m holding to the optimistic idea that things shall get better, that they will get better. But i don’t think that its going to be the case.
